Lily Needs A Date

(So who is new? Kate has written a beautiful, melancholy and honest piece about her Dad. Small Town Toys has been updated as has Small Town Eats. And Small Town Laura will be new tonight. As always, check out Small Town Wendi too...sometimes I like to re-read her just because she is her...)

I have a dog named Lily. She is named Lily because I failed to produce a daughter, and my sons thought a dog named Lily was really the next best thing. Lily is one of those dogs that cost around thirty five dollars at the Humane Society rather than one thousand dollars from a dog breeder. I hadn’t really been looking forward to a dog - especially considering I had already managed to kill off a few beta fish and a turtle (which are notoriously difficult to kill though I eventually managed) - but the boys begged. So what do you do?

When we got to the Humane Society there were about a dozen huge, snarling barking dogs who were making it perfectly clear they weren’t fond of doggy jail. I had a feeling one or two in particular might be escapees from real jail by the looks of their scarred snouts and world-weary eyes. The nice thing to do would have been to adopt one of those dogs. Who the hell else was going to? But…there lay Lily. Silent in her little cage, staring up at us with those big sad eyes - boy, that girl knows how to use her big sad eyes. She could give tips.

Lily isn’t a young pup anymore. She has started to give up a little on her looks. Lays around the house all day, sighing and licking herself. She needs a date but fast. She is forty-two now which may seem a little old to just be getting started, but that’s our Lily. She’s pretty choosy, I must admit. Gets it from me. Plus, she’s had a volatile four year relationship with Mattie (our cat) that can be quite violent and emotionally draining at times, so you can see why it’s taken her awhile. I don’t want to come right out and say Mattie is physically abusive, but…I don’t think he’s quite right in the head, if you know what I mean. I myself live in almost constant fear that he will suffocate me in my sleep.

Lily gets looks from the other dogs when we’re out on our morning walks, from both the males and the females. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I can’t blame them really - Lily is one hot little canine. And I think she knows it. She’s slender with curvy legs, a fabulous black and tan coat and a great looking tail. She’s a half breed, our Lily. I tried to explain to her that being a mixed-breed is cool and exotic, like Cher, but then people ask me what breed of dog she is (right in front of her!) - and there she goes, sleeping on my bed in the middle of a sunny afternoon again. General malaise setting in pretty strong.

She needs to get over it and focus on the positive…all the dogs want her. It’s because she’s very unique looking - sort of like the Catherine Zeta Jones of dogs. Way cooler than those Golden Retrievers - such obvious beaty. The other dog-walkers are having difficulty getting their dogs to ‘heel’ properly - Lily is just too much of a temptation.

I’d like to see her go on a few doggy dates at the park or something. Get out there a bit and have a little fun. Maybe it would help her with her unnatural fixation on not just one, but all four of my boys. I personally think it’s the ‘forbidden fruit’ complex. She knows they’re from a different species but - damnit, they’re pretty cute. Plus they feed her and stuff.

I bet she makes up little revenge scenarios in her head sometimes. You know like “Oh, you just wait and see…one of these days I will find myself a Great Dane - PURE BRED, mind you - and then it will be too freaking late!”

So I think my plan of action will be to get her out for a walk early mornings, around 6:30, happy hour for dogs. The quality is miles better that early, who knows why. She might find herself a decent dog…with a really hot owner