Vampires And Sex And Stuff

(Wendi's blog is new. New movie review of 'A Christmas Carol' by Laura. New Travel comes out Saturday. Toys and Food on Monday. And Kate's will be new too...or I shall tan her hide!)

So I've been thinking about sex lately. Am I allowed to say that on a mom blog? Oh wait..it's my blog. So I am.

I'm thinking about sex because I went to see New Moon last night. Those boys - they're at least 18, right? Right?? - are too adorable for words. When the werewolf took his shirt off I'm telling you, it was like Beatlemania all over again. The whole theatre erupted in fits of giggles and nervous sighs and lots of fanning of faces. And that was just us old gals. I couldn't help but wonder...how many of the scads of young girls sitting in the dark theatre beside their spotted, awkward, gangly boyfriends were looking at them and thinking 'Really? This is who I'm leaving with?' Poor guys. I'll have to let my man cub know not to go with his girlfriend. She might turn her back on him in favour of the undead. And as much as I hate the fact that he even has a girlfriend (who, by the way, has been smooching in front of the bus loop! The things I never really wanted to know...) I don't want her to dump him on the faint promise that there might be a hot bloodsucker out there waiting for her. That might break his heart.

But I'm also thinking about sex for other reasons. Maybe because I'm in my late thirties and...well, you just think about sex a lot in your thirties. I don't know why. Maybe because you've finally figured out how to do it properly so it's a heck of a lot more fun. Or maybe it's because I have a visitor coming this weekend. A gentleman caller. A Chester. And I think we all know what that means. Hallelujah.

A friend of mine and I were talking about sex the other day. Who am I kidding? My friends and I talk about sex most days. But this time we were talking about what makes sex good. Other than the obvious, of course. No, we were talking about how to get past all the 'Oh God, he's looking at my giant thighs!' and 'Now what does he want me to do?' and 'How do I look in this position?' problems. We were talking about...well, how to please a fella. So that he might want to please us in return. Some of us think it's a tricky thing.

And some of us think it isn't. See here's what I learned over my years of clinical study. Most guys are just pretty happy you showed up. And if you're feeling inadequate...distract, distract, distract. Like a puppy with a bright shiny toy. Keep things in perpetual motion. Keep things focused on the end result. Destination - it's all about destination. No sight-seeing.

The trick is remembering it's supposed to be fun. A whole bunch of fun. And if worse comes to worse...candlelight is universally flattering, ladies. Use it well.